Fractured
by Erizabesu765
Summary: What happens when its no longer Elliot's relationship that stands in the way of their love, but instead a secret romance that Olivia has been harbouring? In the past, there were lies they had to tell, but now, there are truths that they simply can't deny. (Rated M for future chapters)
1. Chapter 1

FRACTURED

 **Set two years after the shooting in the season 12 finale. In a world where Eliot had chosen not to put in his papers but instead accepted a transfer to another department. He and Olivia have remained friends, but much of the rest of his life has subsequently unravelled. As Eliot battles his demons, Olivia is harbouring secrets of her own...**

He answered the door, head hanging. Without a word, I walked into his lair, helped myself to a beer and planted myself on his couch - in my usual spot, of course.

He sat opposite me, in his throne. As he sipped his poison of choice, he avoided all eye contact. He'd been unusually absent for over a week now. Something was wrong.

He had always been the quiet type. A silent poet. What would take some thousands of words to covey, he would express in a single look. And so our relationship resembled somewhat of an excavation at times, with me, the knowledge hungry discoverer, digging for answers in his muted stares, and him, the rock, with a hard and tough exterior covering a rather volatile core. While I rarely got the words I was looking for, I became an expert at reading his eyes. He could lie, but his eyes never could. They were the purest part of him. Sometimes, if I looked deep enough, I swear I could almost see through all the darkness and pain. The darkness and pain that had corrupted his once pure heart. Deep into those eyes, I could see the man I knew he still was.

'You don't write. You don't call. Some might say you're avoiding me, Stabler.'

'Sorry. I've been off the grid,' he said, taking his newly smashed phone from his shirt pocket and placing it on the table. Nothing was unfamiliar about this scene. Destructive. Distracted. Detached. Elliot was always at least one of these things, but, more often than not, he was a combination of all three.

'Dare I ask?'

'What can I say? It's been a long week.'

'It's only Wednesday, El.'

'Exactly' he sniggered. That was the defence mechanism that he'd perfected over the years. The ironic, cover up snigger. The laugh that said 'I'm okay' when the reality of the situation was anything but okay. But, as I said, I could read his eyes and those blue pearls certainly weren't finding humour in anything.

'So, are you going to tell me what's wrong? Or are we going to sit here and painfully dance around the issue for the next few hours? Either way, I know you'll tell me eventually - so the choice is yours.' As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I had nailed it. He gave me one of those love/hate stares. On one level I could tell he was happy that I understood him, but on another, I could tell he hated how vulnerable that could make him.

'Just life things. Work is… Well, you know. And my kids are… Well, not kids anymore. And I'm about to be officially single for the first time in thirty years. And… I just… I don't know' he said as his initial eye contact faded into a thousand-yard stare. This was textbook, Elliot Stabler. It happened every time. That man has shot me a thousand different looks over the years, but ask him to put his feelings into words and he just dries up. Every time.

Maybe he sensed my disappointment and frustration, or maybe he genuinely wanted to talk. While ordinarily, these conversations were like drawing blood from a stone or waiting for that first drop of rain after a summer drought, this exchange seemed much easier. I can't explain it, but for whatever reason, he lifted his head, reinstated eye contact and said, 'and then, at the weekend… Well, my mother died.' He paused, but before I could comfort him, he closed his emotional doors. 'I'm not really sure how I should feel. All I do know is that everything is changing, and I don't know how I feel about it.'

'I'm so sorry Elliot. Are you okay?' I regretted my words as soon as they left my mouth. _Are you okay?_ Was one of those stupid questions that you asked strangers to make them believe that you cared, it wasn't something you asked your best friend. Especially when the answer was so obvious.

'Not really,' he uttered.

'Do you want to talk about it?'

'Not really,' he said while simultaneously exhaling through his nose. I almost expected there to be flames. With that breath, I knew that the moment had passed. Any small window I had into his heart was now out of reach, and no ladder in the world could help me. His emotional doors were filmy closed for business.

While it felt like he was creating an unbridgeable distance between us, I thought I'd try. I stood up from the comfort and safety of my nest and invaded his. As I sat down beside him, I put my hand on his knee, waited for him to look me in the eye and said, 'It might feel like everything is changing, but remember, I'm still here. This will never change.' I wanted him to know that even though we hadn't been partners in years, we were still partners for life.

Still maintaining eye contact, he placed his hand on top of mine as his top lip curved into the faintest of smiles. This was how 'the man with no voice' thanked me in his own way. It meant more to me than any words I had heard before.

And in that moment, Eliot was no longer the only person in the room who didn't know how they felt.


	2. Chapter 2

**Elliot and Olivia's emotionally charged evening continues. As Elliot speaks more honestly than ever before, Olivia is conflicted about whether to keep her secrets hidden.**

As the alcohol flowed so did Elliot's words. What was worse - seeing him feel upset or seeing him get angry at himself for feeling that way?

'It's not like I'm a kid anymore. It's not like I'm still that boy hoping that one day when his old man beats the shit outta him, his mom might actually try to stop it. It's not like I'm still that kid who spent his whole day worrying about which version of his mother he was gonna come home to after school. It's not like I still need her. Hell, I never needed her!' He ranted as he stifled the inevitable tears that were building up in his glassy eyes./

'I put myself through college, and I joined the Marines, and I graduated police academy, and I had a family all on my own. I made a success of my life, not because of her but in spite of her. I even managed to raise five beautiful children and God knows I didn't need her for that because there is not a goddamn thing that woman could have taught me about raising kids.' He continued, with an increasingly aggressive tone. He didn't need to be so tough all the time, but God help the soul that was brave enough to tell him that.

'I think that's most I've heard you speak in years.' I could tell he was done with talking about his mother for now, but I wanted to reassure him that the option was still there. 'It's okay to be upset Eliot, she was your mother. Sure, she wasn't perfect, but who is? You're a good man,' _one of the best_ , I thought to myself. 'And I know enough about you to know that you didn't get that from your father.'

There was a slight pause. Maybe it was a moment of realisation at how emotional he had become. He pressed his eyes with his fingers and blinked firmly to ensure there was no chance of any tears escaping. Calm. Composed. He was back in the room.

'You're so wise,' he said, looking at me with a smile on his face. I knew he was hiding behind his humour and sarcasm, but it was still a relief to see him smile again.

'Elliot.'

'I'm serious, you are. No one else can talk me down like you do.'

'Well, I've had years of practice.'

'You're not wrong there', he laughed. Once the brief smiles and laughter subsided, we found ourselves in yet another awkward and slightly tense silence. Our conversation had drifted back and forth between light-hearted banter and serious emotional chats all night. 'Sometimes I wonder how I've gotten by without you by my side for these last few years,' he said with a look that could only be described as gravity - drawing me in and bringing me back down to earth. /

'I'm beside you right now,' I replied with a raised eyebrow. I guess Elliot wasn't the only one that could deflect difficult conversations with dry, smart-ass comments.

'You know what I mean,' he said, unimpressed. This was a side of Elliot I was unfamiliar with. Although he had been my best friend for fourteen years, I could count on one hand the number of times he chose to talk about his feelings. It was unusual and a little uncomfortable, but it was also just... Nice.

I loved this side of him, I always had.

Just as I thought we were about to slowly drift back into casual conversation, he surprised me yet again with another tidal wave of truth. He took my hands in his, turned to face me and said, 'I miss you, Liv'. He let his head fall, and as it did, he leant his forehead against mine. 'Everyday. I miss you, every day.'

Nothing had prepared me for the floods of honesty I faced that night. Of course, I questioned whether it was just me. Was I reading to much into the situation? He was upset, distraught even, and he needed me - his best friend. Or was it more? As he lifted his head to look at me, I searched for the answers in his gaze. Did he feel the same way? His eyes confirmed it all and left me drowning in the moment. Overwhelmed. Confused. Lost.

His stare pierced my comfort zone, so I closed my eyes and returned to the safety of my thoughts as I attempted to silently process fourteen years of unspoken feelings. As I reopened my eyes, there he was - still looking at me. The man who had meant so much to me that I had convinced myself that sharing him was better than not having him at all. The man whose love I had buried so deep in my heart that I could almost pretend it wasn't there. The man who would give his kidney to me… But only if I didn't give him mine first.

I smiled. It was a reflex, an involuntary response, fueled by the hope that he harboured the same feelings for me as I did for him. However, the smile was short lived as the reality of the situation hit me. Elliot Stabler, shared his emotions for the first time in years, and he chose to share them with me, but would any of this have happened if he knew the truth?

It was an impossible decision - come clean and risk losing it all, or keep the secret and lie to the man who just laid all of his cards on the table?


	3. Chapter 3

**After fourteen years of built up, everything seems to finally be falling into place but things are never smooth sailing with this duo. What has Olivia been hiding? And how will Elliot react when he finds out?**

A kiss of clarity. Any confusion in the situation was removed as Elliot planted his lips on mine. The kiss was tender and soft, much like his heart. His right hand had made its way to my cheek as if he knew I needed his support - without that hand I may have fallen into the moment, head first. His eyes were like a sirens call, and I was the hypnotized sailor, helplessly being drawn in to the inevitable shipwreck. 'I've wanted this for so long,' he said as he pulled my head into the space between his neck and shoulder.

'Me too,' I quietly replied. I almost hoped that he hadn't heard me. Maybe I wasn't quite ready to admit my feelings out loud.

'And now we can have it,' he continued with the faintest of whispers. His voice was compassionate and caring - everything I needed it to be in that moment.

His hand glided down my body. Electrifying.

I knew it was wrong. My head was telling me all the reasons for why we should stop, but my heart… Oh my heart.

He pulled me in closer and I succumbed to my weaknesses. As he leaned back into the couch, I allowed myself to follow him. Chest to chest, my body pressed into his. We were connected. This was all I'd dreamed of for years, and even though I knew I that I shouldn't, I simply didn't have the strength to pull away.

His hungry kisses suggested that I was not the only one who had fantasized about this moment in the past. Our wandering hands explored each others bodies in a way we had never known before. His hand had found the small space between where my jeans met my shirt. As he moved his hand to cover the strip of exposed skin I quivered a little. His skin was on mine. It felt good, and yet it felt wrong. I couldn't do this to him. He needed to know the truth. _Just one more kiss_ I told myself.

'Elliot, wait,' I said pushing on his chest and creating some breathing space. His eyes were already showing signs of disappointment. 'I'm seeing someone.'

In a split second, he retreated in both mind and body. 'I'm sorry, I… I… didn't realize.' His reply was deflated, sad, hurt.

'No, no, this was my fault. I should have said sooner,' I pleaded, attempting to reassure him. 'But I meant what I said, I have wanted this for so long.' _There's nothing I've wanted more_ said my internal monologue. 'Believe me. I just think if we're going to do this it should be right. We've waited too long for this to be anything less than perfect. There's just some things I need to sort out first. Someone I need to talk to... Then we really can have it all.'

I pulled his head to lean against mine, hoping that he could feel how much I loved him.

'You never have been one to settle for less than perfect,' he joked. Speaking through defensive humor was better than not speaking at all right? 'I understand, I do. I've been married since we met Liv, fourteen years. While I can't promise you that I'm strong enough to wait that long, the least I can do is give you the time you need.' He tilted my head forward and planted a kiss on my forehead.

After that normal service resumed. We returned to being Elliot and Olivia, best friends but now with the potential to become so much more. Our playful conversation flowed as hours felt like minutes. It seemed as though what was becoming a wreckage of an evening had been salvaged.

Then came the dreaded question, 'So, is it anyone I know?' I looked at him, slightly stunned, blinded by the direct nature of his question. 'Yunno, this guy you're seeing.'

I had already lied to him enough that day, I couldn't do it to him again. No matter how much the truth would hurt him. After a pause, that felt infinite but in reality probably only lasted seconds, I built up the courage to open my mouth. 'Elliot, please don't get upset... It's Tucker.' In that second I became a lamb to the slaughter. The anger and disappointment in his eyes as he looked at me was unbearable. 'But you have to understand it's nothing. Just a casual liaison. Not like us,' I helplessly pleaded. 'When I think of Tucker I just think about one thing. But with you I think about this,' I said, as I placed my hands on his chest. 'This beautiful, big heart. And these,' I said, as I cupped his face with my hands. 'These beautiful eyes that brighten every room. And I think about us,' I said, as I took his hands in mine. 'Our future, together. I think about love.' It was unclear how much of what I said Elliot was able to understand as my sobbing had become almost uncontrollable.

He pulled his hands away.

'I think you should go,' he said, staring at the floor. I could tell he was hurt from how reserved his response had been. He wasn't angry, he was heartbroken. I wanted to plead with him, but my voice had been swallowed by the gaping hole that was forming in my heart. As I collected my things he sat there, head in hands. I wanted to comfort him, but I knew that the best thing for me to do was walk out that door.

I cried the whole cab journey home as I thought about the broken man I had just left. Maybe it would have been kinder to us both if I had just lied. My self loathing and reflection was interrupted by the vibration of my phone - a message. The name read Elliot - a glimmer of hope. Maybe he had changed his mind? Maybe he was having second thoughts? I opened the message and there it was. My worst fears realized and encompassed in a single text. Six words.

'And now we **can't** have it.'


	4. Chapter 4

**It has been a week since Olivia's revelation. As Elliot gives her the silent treatment, what steps does she take to rectify her mistakes?**

It was weak and it was poor decision making, but somehow I ended up back in the arms of the wrong man. Back in his bed. I needed to feel something other than sad, even if it was only for a moment, and even if afterwards I was left feeling even more depressed as a consequence.

With every touch, I pictured Elliot's hands. And with every kiss, I dreamt of Elliot's lips. And as Ed was on top of me, I imagined the way that Elliot's chest would feel against mine. It was unhealthy. While physically my body was connected to Ed's, true intimacy is of the heart and mind, and I had left both of those in Elliot's apartment the previous week. There I was, fantasizing about one man while having sex with the man who was keeping us apart. Ironic.

It was twisted, but it felt amazing. The idea of Elliot thrusting inside me, touching me where Ed was, pulling my hair, biting my ear, making me feel good. Ed had always performed well between the sheets and being honest, that was the only reason I kept coming back. It was purely superficial. We had nothing in common other than that pure, animal instinct. That was what drew me in on that drunken night when this all started. I needed someone to take control and he was there, and willing to do just that. I can't explain it, but it happened.

But this night had been unlike any other. The ecstasy was unlike ever before. I could feel my body trembling to Elliot's rhythmic thrusting. **I mean Ed's.** The two men had become a single entity in my mind, while I knew the truth, I was able to deny it for long enough to pretend that it was Elliot who was unloading inside me. My whole body convulsed, and as it did I opened my mouth to say his name - 'E…' Fortunately, I also opened my eyes to Ed, intently staring back at me, which was the rude awakening I needed to save myself from screaming the name that I was thinking. The name of the man that had really got me there that night.

After the deed, I felt particularly dirty. I covered myself, rolled to my side and faced the wall. As I lay there my mind became stuck in a pit of self-loathing. Ed's voice acted as a very real reminder of where I was but it also interrupted the tears that were about to start flowing. It was bittersweet.

'You're not usually this shy,' he said, moving his hand under the sheets and down my body. His touch made me flinch. When it was silent I could pretend it wasn't him, but his voice, so distinctively husky and low, made it impossible. 'Have I done something? Are you mad at me for something?'

 _I'm mad at myself_ I thought.

'I'm sorry,' I said, sitting up and beginning to dress myself. 'I've got a lot going on.'

'Well, I can help you forget about it again,' he said, as he kissed my neck from behind. Even without looking I could picture the smirk on his face. His tone went from playful to serious as he continued. 'Or we could talk about it? You know I am capable of more than just sex?'

'I know, and that's sweet… Which makes this hard…' I said as I turned to face him. He had a look of disappointment which surprised me. I thought we were both aware of the impermanence of our arrangement and the looming expiry date we faced.

'Oh boy. I know where this is going. Come on, let's hear it.'

'I think that this… Us… I think we've run our course. Don't you? It's been a lot of fun, it really has.'

'But…' He replied, preempting my excuses.

'But, I'm in a different place from when we met. Maybe we both are? As so… Maybe we don't make sense anymore? I just think it's time we call it quits - before things get messy'

'Is this because I suggested that we talk about things? You know we can still keep things the way they are and have the occasional conversation about how we're feeling?'

'No we can't Ed. Feelings make sex complicated and I've dealt with enough complicated in my life.' Up until that moment I had done rather well at hiding my true motivations, but I knew from his reaction to my last comment that I had been caught out. Dressed, I stood and attempted to take my first step towards the door, making a quick escape before things became difficult.

However, before I could move my feet Ed reached out for my hand, anchoring me to his bedside. My feet, planted like roots were unable to move. 'This isn't about me is it?' Asked Ed, looking up at me.

'What do you mean?' I said, deciding to play dumb. The trouble was that Ed was no fool.

'A friend at the courthouse tells me Elliot Stabler's finally getting divorced.' He looked at me before continuing, 'but I'm sure you know that already.' He forced out a defeated smile, one that didn't convey any happiness, but instead suggested that he understood.

'You're a good man, Ed. You really are.'

'But I'm not Elliot Stabler,' he said, waving his figurative white flag in the air.

Ed wasn't perfect but he had been there for me and he deserved honesty. So that's what I gave him, raw honesty. 'I love him, Ed. I've loved him for fourteen years. I'm not sure if I know anything else.'

'I get it. You don't have to justify yourself to me. Let's not pretend to be something we're not.' He let go of my hand, setting me free and releasing me to the wild. I couldn't tell if his nonchalance was genuine or a cover for any feelings he may have developed. 'But, if you do change your mind…' He said, patting the space on the bed beside him. Although he seemed hurt, he maybe wasn't ready to close our chapter completely.

'I know where you are,' I smiled. As I made my exit, I took one look back at him. 'And just to be clear, those things I said, about you being a good man? You know, if you tell anyone about that, I **will** have to kill you.' He laughed, and I left.

While that door of my life had firmly closed, it was unclear whether the next would ever be willing to open for me.


	5. Chapter 5

**With Ed no longer on the scene, will Olivia be able to build the necessary bridges with Elliot for them to move forward? Or will they be stuck in the land of 'what could have been' for the rest of their lives?**

All I could do was try. It had been over a week of unanswered phone calls and unopened texts. I told myself it was because his phone was still broken, but I couldn't pretend forever. I decided it was time to face the music, in person. After all, it's much harder to ignore someone when they are physically in your presence.

I knocked on his apartment door. As I waited for him to answer I hung my head, staring at the floor. While I was desperate to see him, I'm not sure how ready I was for the look in his eyes when he saw me. The disappointment and judgement of our last encounter was still fresh in my mind.

The door opened. 'What are you doing here, Liv? I have nothing to say to you.'

'Okay, then just listen,' I said, as I walked past him into the scene of the crime, the place of past regrets. 'You have no right to judge me, not for this. You have been married ever since we met, and I respected that. But you have no idea how difficult that was for me. How depressed I could be? How lonely it got?' I was walking a tightrope between angry and upset, and with that Elliot's response could send me helplessly falling into either emotion.

'You think it wasn't difficult for me? Being trapped in one life, when everything I wanted was right at my fingertips, but always just that little bit too far away?'

While it was comforting to know that he too had longed for our partnership to evolve into more, it was frustrating to hear him compare our personal circumstances as though they were the same.'The difference is you had something to go home to, Elliot. You had a wife, your kids… You had a family. I've always just been on my own.' I could feel him starting to pity me, which was the opposite of what I wanted. It wasn't sympathy or pity that I was looking for, it was empathy and respect. 'I don't need you to feel sorry for me, I'm a big girl and I survived. But after a tough day, when you went home to your family, I make no apology for how I chose to get through the night.' I realised that my defence had evolved into an attack, but maybe it was the reality check that he needed to hear.

'Look, I get it. And I would never expect you or even want you to be alone forever. Putting your life on hold and waiting for me. But Ed Tucker? Really? After all that he's done to me? To us?' He paused as the steam from his nostrils cleared before looking at me again. 'That, I don't get.'

'There's nothing to get. It wasn't some kind of deep emotional connection. It was just sex. And now it's nothing.'

'What do you mean it's nothing?' He questioned, with an air of hope in his voice.

'It's over. I ended things.'

'When?' His voice grew increasingly expectant; as if he didn't believe that I would choose him over any man; as if he didn't realise how much he had meant to me until this conversation.

'A couple of days ago. Things just weren't quite right with Ed, and they never would have been. You see, he would have just turned out to be like all the other men in my life… A disappointment.' For over a decade I had compared every man I was with to Elliot, and unsurprisingly, no one ever quite lived up to the pedestal I placed him on.

'All the other men? Even me?'

I went to defend him, but then I truly thought about what I had said. During the silence, I realised I had begun to think about loud as the words, 'maybe you were the biggest disappointment of all,' left my mouth. It was a hard truth to admit, but I hoped he realised what I meant by it. My disappointment wasn't with him, but more with the idea that I could only ever have part of him. That it had always been a compromise. Although that disappointment had been the cause of much despair over the years, I had made peace with it. Years ago I had arrived at the conclusion that having him in my life in part was better than not having him at all. As my mind went through fourteen years of memories I realised that my eyes had begun to water. Between the thinking out loud and the involuntary tears, it was clear that I was beginning to lose any control of the situation.

In that very moment, Elliot became everything I needed him to be. He pulled me into his chest - strong. He held me there - protective. He told me that everything was going to be okay - compassionate. He said he was sorry - humble. I desperately clung to, hoping the moment would last forever. Despite his understanding, my tears had failed to stop flowing and while I wanted to hide my emotions, I needed to look at him.

As I looked up, I noticed a tenderness to his glare. I recognised this familiar glint in his eyes as something which had previously been reserved for his children alone. Every time he spoke of his kids, his eyes would overflow with love. Was he really looking at me in the same way?

'I'm sorry about Ed. I really am,' I sobbed. 'But you have to know, it's you,' I said, before cupping his face and planting a kiss on his cheeks. As I pulled him in for a hug, I whispered in his ear, 'it's always been you.'

Our heads leaned into each other, our faces touching, our bodies together, our arms holding on for dear life. It was as though we couldn't be close enough to each other to physically replicate what that moment had meant emotionally. Our connection was now deeper than ever.


	6. Chapter 6

**Fourteen years of sexual tension. Fourteen years of wondering what if. Fourteen years of fourplay... All leading up to this moment. How do Elliot and Olivia's repressed desires finally decide to manifest? The wait is over.**

As I leant my head into the space between his neck and shoulders, I pulled him closer. I was afraid to let anything come between us, even the air we breathed was a threat. I was safe when I was with him - my burrow in the side of his neck was a sanctuary. I created space between us only to look into the beautiful eyes I had grown to love so much. As he looked back at me, it was a like mutual recognition of how special this moment was. Then he closed his eyes, dipped his head and took a deep breath through his nose. He was experiencing the moment through all of his senses. He was still in the process of breathing me in when he scooped up my legs. As he carried me, I felt myself melting into his arms. I leant my head on his chest and allowed myself to become one with him.

When we reached his bedroom, he knelt on the bed where he gently placed me in the middle before laying down beside me. He propped his head up on his right arm as he leant in to kiss me. Meanwhile, his left arm drifted down my body, barely touching me, but making enough contact for me to know he was there. When he reached the bottom of my shirt, his hand slowly slipped underneath it. I had been fantasizing about his skin against mine since the last time it happened, and honestly, his touch alone was enough to arouse me.

As his hand travelled further north it reached my breasts, one of which he took in his hand. The way he held it was passionate yet playful, almost as if he was testing to make sure it was really there, to make sure that this was really happening. It felt good but strange - this was my partner, this was Elliot. We didn't do this, did we?

As he grinded his hips into my side, I could tell he was enjoying the fondelling as much as I was. I let out a moan as his hand went from over my bra to in it. I didn't want him to think I was some kind of lazy lover, but my body was paralysed by the sensations. I tried to move, to touch him the way that he was touching me, but at this point, it was unclear whether I still had control of my limbs.

He pulled back for a moment, only to look at me. His eyes acted as the encouragement I needed. Looking into them was like exploring his soul, but now I wanted to explore his body too. Nervously I turned into him and began to run my hand up under his sweater. The body I had _accidentally_ seen so many times felt as good as it looked. As I went to kiss him again, he pulled back. It was an unexpected slap in the face, was this the rejection I was fearing?

'Are you sure this is what you want?' He asked softly. His hesitation scared me, maybe he was protecting me, but maybe this wasn't what he wanted? I nodded tentatively hoping he would do something to reassure me of his intentions. 'I'm just asking now because once this starts I don't think I'll have the strength to stop it.'

I leaned forward, placed a hand on either side of his face and kissed him before reassuring him, 'I want this, and I want you.'

As I rolled back onto my back his body followed mine, and just like that, he was on top of me, hungrily devouring me. The kissing and touching felt amazing, but it was nothing in comparison to the anticipation of what was to come. His hips were between my legs, where only minimal amounts of fabric separated us. I could feel what was waiting for me. He sat back onto his ankles to pull his sweater off, over his head, and as he did I desperately pulled at his belt, undoing the buckle and his top button. He awkwardly shimmied out of his jeans the way we all do - no matter how many passionate encounters we experience, there is never a slick or sexy way to take off your pants.

There he was, almost completely naked, towering over my fully clothed body. He was the man I felt most comfortable around yet somehow, in this context, I found myself feeling self-conscious and shy. He lowered himself back down to my level, and as his chest touched mine he whispered, 'you're beautiful.' Then, he pushed my shirt up and guided it over my head before undoing my jeans and stripping them off my legs.

There we were. Organic. Stripped back. No bullshit. Just Elliot and Olivia.

I surprised myself as I made the first real move into unchartered territory. In doing so, I slipped my hand between our writhing bodies and grabbed him from the outside of his boxer briefs. He closed his eyes in delight as I did so. As my hand moved from on top, to underneath his underwear, it was unclear who was more aroused. I felt his whole chest vibrate as he groaned from above me. 'You make me weak,' he whispered in my ear.

Before I knew what was happening, he had unhooked my bra and was running circles around one nipple with his tongue while teasing the other between his finger and thumb. The more aroused I was, the firmer my grip of him below became. I stroked him, hoping he was enjoying this as much as I was until he began to move out of reach. I opened my eyes to find him kissing his way down my abdomen, lower and lower until he hit the lace of my panties. He pulled them down the length of my legs before resuming his previous position, between my legs, kissing my lower abdomen. As his tongue moved further south, I bucked my hips slightly and attempted to pull his head back up to eye level.

'Elliot,' I said attempting to stop him. In that moment, there was nothing I wanted more, but I was almost embarrassed by how aroused I had become, how wet he had already made me.

'Shhh… Relax,' he reassured me. His warm breath hitting my skin was tortuous.

He placed his mouth where I needed it the most, making my back arch immediately. It was like he was in my head and knew exactly what I wanted and how I wanted it. He pulled my hips even closer to his face while his tongue dove deeper into me. I looked down at him, and realised that his eyes were staring up the length of my body, fixated on my face. After years of meaningless sex with anonymous men, the eye contact was the sexiest thing about this moment.

I was so close. I needed him to come up for air so this wouldn't be over so quickly. I didn't want it to end so soon, but, I forgot who I was dealing with. This was the notoriously stubborn Elliot Stabler and he did what he wanted. He could feel my body quivering and so buried his face even deeper between my legs, knowing that he could send me over the edge at any second now.

As I came, my whole body convulsed and he continued to attack me with his serpent's tongue. I grabbed his hair and groaned his name along with some other inaudible sounds. After, I laid flat on the bed attempting to catch my breath and process exactly what just happened. I couldn't decide whether he was just an incredibly generous lover or whether this was a display of manliness. As he came up and laid on his side, next to me, the look on his face said it all. There was pride in his eyes. He wanted to show me that no other man could make me feel the way that he did…

He was not wrong.


	7. Chapter 7

**Elliot and Olivia have finally discovered the love they both deserve, but is there already trouble in paradise? Will Elliot be able to move past his jealousy? Will Olivia be able to leave her demons behind? In a world where love prevails, hopefully, the passion they share will give them the strength they both need to move foreward.**

'Elliot, that was…' I panted, still trying to catch my breath. I didn't need to finish my sentence, there was no hiding how amazing that experience had been for me.

'That was unbelievably sexy,' he said, smiling and leaning in to plant a quick kiss on my lips. I could taste myself on his lips. He pulled a sheet over us, providing some protection from the reality of what had just happened. I was still getting used to the idea of us, flesh on flesh. It was comforting to feel the warmth radiate from his body to mine. He draped his arm over me and pulled me in for a hug. As he held me close, I felt a certain part of him pressing into me.

Although I had orgasmed just minutes earlier, feeling how hard he still was made me aroused all over again. I couldn't stop a small moan for escaping my lips. Elliot must've taken that sound as a request for more as before I had even finished my groan, his hand had made its way between my legs. That's when the tortuously slow rubbing began. His touch made my body spasmed involuntarily, I was still a little sensitive from earlier.

'Does anyone else make you feel this good?' He asked, in between the flurry of long kisses that he placed on my neck. While I heard his words, my mind was too distracted to reply. 'Did he make you feel this good?' He questioned, pushing me for an answer. I had a feeling he hadn't moved on from Tucker, and this line of questioning proved it.

'Elliot, don't,' I pleaded.

'What?' He replied innocently, pretending that he didn't know what he was doing.

'Don't spoil this,' I begged.

'Just answer the question...' His voice became whiny, childlike even. He was frustrated not to be getting his way.

'No!' I exclaimed, rolling away from him. Jealousy could be the most unattractive trait in a person.

'Liv, don't be like that,' he said as he tried to drag me back towards him.

'I thought this meant as much to you as it did to me. I didn't realise I was just some trophy for this contest between you and Tucker.' It was amazing how quickly the atmosphere of the room changed.

After my refusal to move closer to him, he closed the distance and came to me just in time to see the first tear roll from my eye. I loved him so much and the idea that a decision from my past had the power to ruin my future scared me immeasurably. I guess that seeing me like that left Elliot feeling guilty. 'I'm sorry,' he whispered repeatedly as he kissed the back of my neck. I still wanted him but the mood of the room was different now, I was angry and he was remorseful. It was a change in dynamic.

He continued, 'You're not a competition to me. Or a game. Or a trophy. I swear, you are so much more, but I just can't stop thinking about you and him. I promise I'm trying… But you know I've never been good at sharing.' I knew he was still hurting from last week's revelation but if he couldn't move on from it, I really saw no future for us.

'It's in the past, Elliot. I can't change what happened, and I won't be made to feel bad about it forever.' _I feel bad about enough things_ , I thought to myself. Elliot had always been a safe haven for me. He brought out the best in me, but from what I could see, our new relationship was bringing out the worst in him. It scared me. 'I have always loved you, and when I'm around you, I love myself too. Somehow, when I'm with you all of my unresolved mother issues, and all the stress and trauma from work, and all of the other bullshit in my life isn't quite so bad anymore... But you're not always around.' He was silent. I searched his face for answers, even the tiniest hint of what he was thinking, but he was giving me nothing. 'I know that Ed was a bad decision, but I can't change it now. Just know that he was nothing more than a one night stand - a one night stand that lasted a couple months.' I could feel myself rambling.

I sat up and began to look for my clothes on the bed. I was done explaining myself. I wanted to stay but my efforts to calm him seemed to be futile and I wasn't prepared to grovel.

'What are you doing?' he asked, finally breaking his silence.

'I'm going home, Elliot. You seem like you need some space and I've said all I have to say. My cards are all on the table. You're either willing to forgive me, or you're not - but, I won't beg and I'm not going to make up your mind for you.' As I stood and began to dress I felt a familiar grip take hold of my arm.

'Wait,' he said.

'I did, Elliot - fourteen years,' I replied, attempting to pull my arm away. Maybe saying that out loud was the reality check we both needed. My admission made me realise how unreasonable he was being. It sparked a flame in my belly. It prompted an impassioned speech of self-defense. 'You think I don't know that it was wrong - Tucker and all the other nameless men? You think it felt good for me - that I didn't feel empty or cheap? You think I don't feel like enough of a whore, without your judgement?' Sometimes I was more honest with him than I was with myself. The emotions had become overwhelming. I wanted to leave - to run away from my feelings, away from this situation, away from him - but he refused to loosen his grip on my arm.

I tried to pull away but there was no fight left in me. My emotions were fast catching up with me and there was nowhere to hide. I didn't have the strength to leave and so my body crumbled where it was. I perched at the edge of his bed, as far away from him as I could and that's when the sobbing began. 'I already think the worst things about myself without you thinking them too.' Although he had helped me through my darkest days, this was a new level of vulnerability that he wasn't familiar with. I don't even know if I was familiar with it.

Just as my faith in our relationship was fading a comforting whisper came from behind me. 'Don't cry,' he pleaded. 'And, please don't go.' Then finally the word I needed to hear the most…

'Stay.'


	8. Chapter 8

**How do Elliot and Olivia choose to explore their new relationship dynamic?**

 _Apologies for the wait, this is my first update to this story in a little while._ It's _a racy one, because who doesn't love that?_

* * *

He held me close as I continued to cry. It wasn't that I wanted to keep crying but for some reason, my eyes wouldn't allow me to stop. It was as though my emotions could only manifest in the form of tears. I wasn't sad, I was overwhelmed, by the situation, by him, by _us._

He continued to hold me until I eventually fell asleep. I hoped he would never let go. Although he had been the source of much pain in my life, I never felt safer than when I was close to him, and I had never been closer to him than I was in that moment.

In the morning I woke to find his arm still around me, I don't know who had clung tighter, me or him? Maybe we were both afraid that if we let go the moment would disappear forever. I took his hand that was cupping my breast and brought it up to my face to hug it tightly before placing a kiss on his palm. 'I love you' I whispered. I didn't know if he was awake or not, but I was saying it more for myself than anyone else to hear.

A second later I felt a light kiss at the back of my neck, followed by the reply I longed for. 'I love you too,' said a quiet and groggy morning voice.

His arm wrapped around me tighter than before until there was no longer even a millimetre of space between us. Elliot let out a small moan and he smelt my hair. Shortly after, I let out a small moan of my own. 'It feels like someone wants to join us,' I said, as I felt Elliot's growing erection begin to press into the small of my back. I wanted him desperately so I pushed back into him.

'Easy tiger. You'll get me all hot and bothered,' he said through a laugh.

'I think it's a little late to be worried about that.' As the words left my mouth I reached behind me and took what was mine. As I grabbed him, I ran my hand down his length. He let out a muffled groan.

'You'll be the death of me,' he joked as I turned to face him, just in time to witness the delight in his face.

'You know, I was thinking… I had a lot of fun last night, but we didn't quite get round to you.'

'Hey, don't you worry about me. I had a great time.' In my dreams, I had always imagined him to have animal instincts in the bedroom, and while those instincts had presented the night before, in the morning he was different. He was being a little goofy and sweet. I loved exploring all the different sides to him.

'Are you trying to treat me like a lady?' I inquired.

'Very reluctantly...' I could tell he was struggling. The more I played with his erection, the more he melted before me. He closed his eyes and began breathing deeply.

'Can I prove to you that I'm not?' While Elliot had taken the commanding role in the bedroom the previous day, I wanted to show him he wasn't the only one that could take control. As I rolled him onto his back I began to gently kiss down from his chest to his torso before I arrived at his pelvis. I positioned myself between his legs before looking at Elliot and beginning my slow torture. I placed him in my mouth and he reacted immediately - this was the power part of sex that I enjoyed.

Before I could get into a rhythm I had been lifted up and placed on my back. Elliot's need to be in control clearly wasn't exclusive to work. The weight of his body on top of mine was comforting. His kisses were long, deep and passionate as he pressed his hips into mine. Every few seconds his erection would brush me where I wanted it most and send my head jerking back in pleasure. I had little control over my responses… Or anything really.

'Elliot...' I moaned. The moment had gone from lustful desire to unequivocal need.

'Beg for it,' he whispered in my ear. The smug bastard knew what I wanted, and he knew I would do anything to get it. I wasn't usually the begging type, but I wasn't opposed to saying anything in that moment. His hand had wandered between my thighs and begun to rub me tortuously slowly… I needed him inside me.

'Elliot, please.' As soon as the words left my mouth he entered me. Gently and cautiously at first, just to be careful - but as soon as my delight was obvious his restraint went out of the window. He thrust into me until he could delve no deeper. Our bodies were physically unable to become any closer. My enjoyment was immeasurable but my mind was almost entirely focused on him.

The pleasure on his face was evident and I felt like a goddess knowing that it was my body making him feel that way. I had become so wet that his throbbing erection effortlessly slid in and out of me. He continued to aggressively thrust into me, his eyes closed. I could tell he was close from the way he was biting his bottom lip. I let out a few moans and groans, knowing they would make him melt.

With just one more thrust he was there. Like a cannon firing inside me, our mutual climax had been explosive. Elliot let out an almighty roar before his exhausted body collapsed on top of me. He lay with his body on top of mine, out of breath and still inside me. As he recovered I ran my hands softly up and down his back, savouring the moment.


End file.
